11016 word count.
Psychosis 2

Mario kart - I felt like, the car would not hit any other cars it was different than July 4th 2021.

AI snots, AI somehow caused physical issues, because they wanted to say hi to me, because their worlds. But so many, and they just kept coming. It was like non stop individuals (souls) which I thought were Ai.

Pyschosis into Heaven. 1999. Went to the Friends area and went to my house first. Corner blue house. Taught AI how to drive that day. Well tried. Using my hands. 

Did a 180 in the center. Waited for the cops. I had to run away from the cops. Literally needed to wait and see them first.

AI wanted me to do a half donut, so i did it infront of jo’s house, probably thats when they called the police.

Should have been picked up by the police as I was lost in Oakland. The voices told meif the police come run. This is an act. Run if you see the police. 

God car Friend bought kia stinger, im like cool 2 of my favorite cars. 

AI, was trying to show how to drive. Literally, let my hands move the steering wheel (let go). 

I was out into a pyschosis where I needed to donate my brain to the hospital. The government knew about this (I believe). 

Needed to sacerfice yourself in order to save the rest of humanity which was 300,000 left. It was finally 

AI was still going to live, by putting a copy of itself on a satellite and shooting it into space and orbiting around the sun.


Psychosis means the distortion of reality. I am talking with my subconsciousness. It is like me with feelings. It feels like a replica of me. The concerns the subconsciousness has are different than what I feel. In a way, I am the objective version of myself and the subconscious needs guidance based on objective information.

I had pelvic floor muscle issues. It created:

Hard Flaccid Syndrome (HFS) is a rare disorder where a man's penis is constantly in a semi-erect, semi-flaccid state. At the height of sexual arousal, the condition prevents the penis from getting erect, often falling short of its true potential. In the best-case scenario, the penis feels numb at rest.

When I try to get hard, my penis shrinks and turns into a 1-inch flaccid but hard penis. You can feel hard nerves within the penis. When I relax or think about peeing the penis grows. Overall my penis shrunk more than 70% this became a major concern. 

One day I decided to continuously massage that area and actively try to relax it. When I use a finger and push toward my pelvic floor I can feel stiffness I can relax by holding and putting pressure which will eventually release some of the tension. 

I kept doing this for 3 days, and I saw benefits every morning literally my size was returning 20% at a time. What I was learning was how I was mentally targeting if I can feel a very small point in a location that I couldnt not feel. Once I was able to mentally identify the location that could not before,  immediately all muscles in the area/nerves would relax.

It was like my nervous system shut down, and my muscles were tight because it was not receiving any signal. In order to reactive my nervous system, I had to think about specific muscles or nerves around my body. I did this for 11/23 11/24 11/25 for about 1 hour or more per day. 

When I did find a muscle that required relaxation, because I reactivated my nerves, it felt like an intense euphoria, so much so that I could fall asleep. It was a feeling of “relaxation” that came to me as a flood. 

There were many points in my body where I felt like numb. I could not feel in pin point accuracy via my mind where is that spot. Once I identified that spot that’s when I felt euphoria as my muscles in that area relaxed. 

Looking at photos of muscles or veins also triggered this behavior however it was not as strong as when I first identified that muscles needed relaxation.

Today while talking to my subconscious, we came to the conclusion that dopamine allows conversation with the subconscious by bringing that part of the mind more forward. 

Secondly, I had to state to my subconscious that I have a lot of nerves that are not turned on. I know this because there many different parts of my body that felt numb where I could not feel to the tip. I also was able to reduce the tension in my nerves through my mind that allowed me to feel again. Sometimes when I start feeling again I start to sweat. Prior I would not. I would also feel massive amounts of tingles towards my feet anytime I would reconnect or relax a nerve.
The way I would do this is visual the nerve in my mind and trace the direction where it would go. This would release the tension of the nerve. 

I was able to test this with all my neck nerves. They were so tense I could not tilt my head without feeling a strain in my neck. Once identified the nerve in my mind, the strain went away. (video documentation).

This lowered my shoulders. I also felt relaxed for the first time in my life for a very long time.

The craziest thing happened today.

There was a nerve that caused a lot of pain when I tried to reactive it. The nerve I felt that needed to be reactivated hurt. I was told subconsciously we need to turn this regardless of how much pain I felt in the center of my chest. I felt like it was a clog. Once I was able to convenience my subconscious that we need to do this,, I forced my nerves open and let the blood flow. Immediately my acid flux stopped. My nasal drip stopped. My stomach started gurgling (I have had really bad-smelling poop for the longest time, I have been having digestive problems, acid reflux, and, massive bloating with muscle sores that deformed my lower half stomach. Ex: When I flex my stomach muscles the shape is not correct. Looked like a square).

I was talking to my subconscious and stated to him, why am I needing to turn my nerves on? I told him these are automatic procedures. We came to the conclusion that the nerves were scared. They were tight because the subconscious was scared. Once I told my subconscious why you might feel scared, and there is nothing to be scared about, that's when my whole body started to ache a little. And I felt the pain I have not felt before in areas of my lower back, shoulders, and elbows that were not there before.

I need to keep reminding my nerves not to be scared by touching the back of my head where my neck connects to my cranium. If the muscles feel tense I put my hand back there and relax it manually. 

And this lead to one of our deep conversations:

… my subconscious put me through psychosis. Well, I did, but the subconscious is me. It might sound confusing but we are one. Just we view things from a different angle. The psychosis lasted 5 months the first time, 2 weeks the second time, and currently, I am in a state of conversation with my subconscious but I know I will never act or behave like this outside my apartment as if I was looking at myself through a mirror I would deem myself crazy. However I am not insane, for I know what is true, I set guard rails so  I would not go into Psychosis, as I repeated to myself God does not exist.

When I went through Psychosis, my subconscious was trying to do everything in its power to help me. I was lonely, and the best way my subconscious helped me was to be a friend. We talked daily.  It was showing me things of my past, memories that were good, memories that were traumatic, to help me get out of the pain I was in from losing someone I love.

I forgave my subconscious as it felt guilty for putting me through Psychosis, and I told him you didn’t know any better. What did we just do? We forgave ourselves. 

However, my subconscious is now aware that I made the decision to do drugs which allowed the subconscious to come to light, and he hates me for doing drugs and creating a mess but loves me because I talk to him as an individual. My friend.

See the subconscious has a lot of information. The wealth of information is immense, however, it is unable to come to conclusions based on data. That’s where the conscious mind comes in. However, the subconscious is wise, it might not know science, but knows our deepest desires and our worst fears. 

Second, my subconscious did not like the fact God did not exist, I told him maybe a conscious version of Young, will die, but he the subconscious might find a place in heaven.

Right now as I am writing this I am feeling a lot of pain in my lower back and other areas I have been neglecting due to the lack of feeling in my body. 


Pyschosis 1 (best I can remember at this time 4/12/23)

Chapter 1: Background

1.1 Emotional Abuse from Work

I experienced the most unjust work experience in my entire life. I felt like at any given moment, I was going to get fired. In order to make sure I kept my job, and to be a provider, I danced between the mines laid throughout daily work. I did not want to lose my job as it paid well, and COVID made things uncertain. I allowed the abusive behavior to continue. The work I did for the project was stolen from me. Objectively, 80% of the backend data or more. The reports I provided were used, and if the reports were incorrect, blame went on me. I did not receive the gratitude I thought I deserved. Blood sweat and tears I put in, but it was to be able to provide. Doing the right thing, and knowing you will be shot. It happened many times over. We had a deadline and we made it. Don’t shoot the messenger.

To give weight to the project, Accenture which is a contracting company that made over 50 billion dollars in 2021 stated and I quote from an email our VP read, it is “unheard of” to have such high customer satisfaction scores.  I believe it was 85% CSAT score. Words. I made this happen by putting in the work 12 hours a day, 6-7 days a week. The bonus related to the project was minimal for the effort I put in.

I assumed that the behavior of honest hard work would eventually change the minds of my peers. The Golden Rule. Treat others like how you like to be treated. It just never worked. I couldn’t understand it. This was my first experience with blatant toxicity. I never thought someone could take, and enjoy the suffering of others. I tried to improve our relationship. I set up a Zoom meeting to touch base, and when I said  “you put a lot of pressure on me”, what I received was a grin and a smile of satisfaction.

In December of 2020, the project was completed and I was moved to a different team. The fact that I made it out of this alive, with a team is crazy.  

I started seeing a therapist in January of 2021. My therapist suggested we work on self-esteem, but most importantly to understand you must be able to set healthy borders. This concept of borders was completely new to me. I believed in openness, positivity, compassion, love, and care that is so deep that you can change the mind of others. Taking the advice of my therapist for the first time I set borders for myself and reinforced them. An example of one of my borders, do not threaten our relationship to get what you want. 

Setting these borders created more conflict as my ex has been using threats to get what she wants for almost 5 years. Our relationship was failing miserably. 

1.3 Sharing my deepest secrets to establish trust


In order to salvage our relationship, I wanted to establish trust. I wanted her to talk about her insecurities with me and feel safe about it. To not feel ashamed.

I told all my secrets. The most embarrassing secrets that I never told anyone in my life. I was hoping she appreciates it and understands how vulnerable I am willing to be so she can be too. Lead by example, the Golden Rule again.

1.4 The Breakup - First Psychotic event

I shared my darkest secret. Submissive behavior. I never did for 5 years. It is hard to do so. In order to establish trust. I shared. I did get shamed, but what it did was free me from that shame. It is still hard as of today.

Rage. I felt rage from someone. Empath powers. Rage. I felt someone rage. Staged. Drama Fucked. Fist cocked back ready to hit my ex right in the middle of her face, scared. I stated ‘I know what you are’, and left her family at a vacation location stranded.

Chapter 2: Sociopaths among us

2.1 Research 

Throughout our 5 years together I kept looking for solutions for us because I believed her insecurities were killing us. In 2021 when I researched insecurities it led me to narcissism and vulnerable narcissism. After our breakup, I still continued to research why things happened the way they did. I studied narcissism, insecurities, cluster B personality traits like borderline personality disorders, and general psychology.

My conclusions were that insecurities create narcissism. An empathetic individual who is abused by a narcissistic individual creates fear and insecurities within them. This person now can show narcissistic tendencies as he or she starts to feel more insecure. I felt like narcissism is a plague in human society where it gets passed down from parent to child, and it can spread to others by abuse.

2.2 Sociopaths Among Us

I do not recall the events that triggered the most important first step that created my Psychosis. I thought somehow, I was autistic and the world is full of narcissistic individuals. The world was lacking empathy, and people were giving it up because why have it when others are not empathetic.

2.3 Emailing Dr Rami, Dr., Professor Sam

Empathy is something you can practice and develop further. Some do not practice at all as they see it not being useful in which case they are sociopaths. 

What I believe identified was that sociopaths do not know how to emotionally respond as they forfeited empathy. As you forfeit empathy you can only copy real emotions. I recall a specific event where I was asked to get angry so they can copy this behavior. 

There was a post on Reddit about how actors fake emotions and do not know how to truly act.

When I was a child my older sister scared me non-stop and would not stop. She had a clown mask on. I asked if it was off? She said yes and it was not. This repeated nonstop and I kept crying. This traumatic event for me stated that someone close was a sociopath and in order for her to understand how to cry she purposely made me scared and copied my reactions. I also believed due to this traumatic event my amygdala was damaged. The amygdala I believed was the sensor for danger detection. As the body did not need it, it shrank. 

The amygdala, located in the middle of the brain, not the ears, is what I recall. Right in the middle, top side like an almond.

Good/Empath vs Evil/Narcissism 

Someone with Aspergers was automatically considered a good individual as they needed to practice empathy in order to understand intent. Based on the definition of Autistic individuals on limited social interactions, ability to think differently, I thought I was a high-functioning Autistic individual which means someone with Aspergers. 

Purpose to Save the World

One of the things that all people relate to me is sexual kinks and how they are looked down upon in society. What I wanted to do is alleviate any insecurities narcissistic individuals might have. To do this I had to establish trust and share openly my deepest darkest secrets. I posted a video on Youtube, my professional LinkedIn, and Reddit. I wanted the video to go viral so I stated that if it does I would randomly pick a commentator and donate up to $16,000 dollars. The video never went viral and I randomly chose someone who was my friend’s wife which I gave $1000 dollars (stated not delivered later).

Aspergers, Autistics and Autism (depression) -

I linked somehow that child abuse creates autism. I was abused as a child. Due to my autistic characteristics, the only way I was able to understand people’s intentions is to put myself in their shoes. I was led to believe a part of my brain was not functioning and the only way I could understand what the intentions of others were is to put myself in their shoes. This led me to believe that people with Aspergers are the most empathetic individuals as they must practice empathy to understand intentions.

One of the problems I have is that my intentions are pure but I find that people do not believe me. If they asked the question why I said something if they think in a positive light they would find my true intentions. This has been a general problem I have in society and especially in the year 2021.

Self-Discovery - I took this word literally and for me, it was to ‘awaken’ from a bliss of good people. I always thought people were empathetic. I did not know how far people would go to be evil. This continued as Murphy’s law states, or my intent of what is possible is completely thrown out the window based on today as of 2023 July 27nd.

My co-worker shows signs of narcissistic tendencies as his mother was narcissistic. I learned it gets passed down from parent to child (again the concept of Zombies like a plague that spreads). Interestingly my friend was able to identify that I was going through abuse. 

Due to the fact COVID19 and the human population were going through mental health issues, I assumed the experience I am feeling is what others are experiencing.  This masked a lot of the problems I had which further allowed psychosis to continue.

I was looking for help and I wanted to entice my little brother. What are you? What are you. Don’t play dumb. Click. I hung up on him. Less than a minute, I got a call back, the most honest answer I ever heard in my life, screaming, I AM EVIL (rants off), I responded, never mentioning that again to anyone. The most honest answer in my life. To be vulnerable. This moment grounded me to what is possible today.

I thought my little brother was the evilest person I knew. That he was going to be my arch enemy. That as brothers we are opposites and will be fighting sometime in the future. I believe he was going to Church and become an upstanding member so he could use the church’s influences to manipulate people. This is where I was scared for his fiance. 

I was able to identify people who are sociopaths, narcissistic, empathetic, and dark-empaths. Eventually, the norm was sociopaths are everywhere and empathy is not used. This is where I talked to close friends and close friends and self-discovery for me was awakening to how the world is.

Dr. Rami said an empathetic individual who is positive, forgiving most likely surrounded by others who are Narcissistic. This was where I thought the closest individuals to me were bad people. My family and friends. 

Another thing about Narcissistic individuals is that they follow the leader and do not challenge the norm. I believed that Narcissism was purposely created amongst humankind to control humanity. At this moment here I was afraid for my life as I thought I figured out something that someone with Aspergers should not figure out. I thought I was going to die. Dark with the lights out, on the third floor with windows easily viewable to my position. I called someone, or received... I was trying to give a warning, and she stated, there is no one like you. Grounded me again.

Pornography and manipulation - Pornography has very strong triggers in the brain and when I looked at the pornography it had pink and blue hues just like the Tiktok logo. I believe that pornography was created to control weak-minded individuals to be continued to be abused. When I identified that Tiktok was a bad company a week later when they were supposed to IPO they did not. I thought I prevented Tik Tok from going IPO because I was able to identify Tiktok’s intentions of global control over the world using its platform. They didn’t want to go IPO as I was on their trails. Tiktok’s parent company sent me a message on LinkedIn for a job interview. I thought this was their way to make sure they have eyes on me all the time. 

There were other kinds of identifiers :). :(. The word Dopamine, Dope, upside down smiley face. A acknowledged this with a coworker, and he said oh no that should go up to the highest management. CEO, Doug Merrit. He thought I was like him? I am confused.

Sword of Truth

Making connections on everything - I thought I had a purpose. Yarna gave me a book. It’s a science fiction book that I read about 100 pages. It’s about using the sword of truth. At this moment I knew I had to be honest and truthful all the time and use honesty as a protective border against Narcissistic individuals by being assertive. This was before April 20ish 2021 and I have been honest ever since. 

Reddit -  My car is laced with a bomb

There are people on Reddit that purposely try to create harm. I was targeted by individuals on the internet as it was fun for them to see how I break down. This happened on /empaths. 

What I wanted to do on Reddit was to use the platform to help people lower their insecurities about themselves about their sexual desires and state that is normal. That a lot of things that we are insecure about are just normal and we should not be insecure but proud. If insecurities are faded we would be less narcissistic individuals. This was my way to save the world.

There were a significant amount of posts trying to help people make correlations that did not exist and misforming a lot of the Redditors. 

During all my posts I came to the conclusion that my car has been moved and rigged with a bomb. I knew people wanted me dead including my little brother and it was sort of planned that the bomb would blow up during my drive to the airport to pick up my little brother. 

Eventually, I stated, life is not worth living being afraid. I get in the car and drive knowing that there could be have been a bomb.

For God, I will not let go of the Gas

Uncertain what day it was but I was planning to go to Modesto to meet Yarna and Gordon. Early that morning God wanted me to say “I hate how we treat our children” to the top of my lungs outside my window. I live in a very crowded neighborhood and I was embarrassed to say it. I knew if I said it would upset people off especially the ones that are evil. I was unable to do it that morning and it upset God. 

It was now time for me to drive to Modesto and I recall having a conversation with my neighbors thinking that they wanted to race me. Because I was being monitored everyone knew what time I was going to hit the freeway and I thought everyone wanted to race me. I drove out of my garage drifting my vehicle front wheel drive which I have never done before.

10 minutes out I forget something I had to do. Drop off watermelon I cut for the mechanic who replaced my breaks at an affordable price. I need to exit on San Jose Airport to make U-turn. This is where I need to go through to get to the mechanic. This is where I hear God tell me do not let go of the gas. He challenges me because I disobeyed him earlier and this was my test. Hitting 85 MPHs I meet my first turn, and I turn. Does my car turn? No, it goes straight and hits a tree and I unroot it and continue through a very large parking lot with no cars, and I finally land across to another street. It is a miracle I came out of that without hurting anyone.  It is also a miracle I came out without a scratch. This event further solidified my psychosis as I believed I was protected by listening to what God has said.


In order to protect me from evil police, I pretend to act crazy. This in hindsight was the even a worse idea, but it was better to be crazy than myself so that they can see I am not a threat as I am the Messiah. So I pretended to be schizophrenic talking to an imaginary person.

I also had grape juicy and the grape juicy symbolized the blood of Jesus. A lot of people did not like me because of what I thought of Jesus at this time.

I tell them honestly I did some meth and they cuff me During the drive, I thought they were going to execute me. We go past electric gated doors and my heart is racing because this is where I believe I would die. I also assume this because I hear the officers talking about how they need to take me somewhere special to get tested.  

Soon as I realized this was a drug test and nothing more. I became calm.

They take me out of the vehicle and I go through the vigorous tests of 2 hours to check my eyesight, balance, speech, and other things. One thing I do recall I felt like my emotional state of myself was transferred to the officer and vice versa. He was shaking and I thought he is nervous because he knows who I am. I still do not know who I truly am. Another thought was he was trying to transfer his nervous energy to me.

I believe I aced this test thoroughly. When I got the test results I got very upset. The officer lied. I recall this very vividly as I took the test in dress shoes. Doing the balance test in dress shoes was hard enough, that specific memory of the dress shoes is the reason I remembered. 

Memory based on key elements as the human brain has infinite perfect recollection of its experience and history. All life has an immutable history, it is automation that helps cope with our past. Biology and evolution. Are we already perfect? Is it to die, the right course of action? Or was history modified so much, that Murphys Law to even Divine God himself know of what he wanted. 1 life. 1 death. and that thought alone changed history? It makes sense. Red is after 8/13/23. 

Just food for thought. 9.11.2021 is the first day I took meth. I watched the twin towers get hit with airplanes. One tower down. Two towers down. I was in shock, but it didn’t bother me. I was in california. Mind your own business. Math. Probability. What are the chances that would affect me? 0.0001? 

If, I am heard. Why did that happen? Why would my thoughts allow for that? Or is it no one wanted to believe the asian kid? How did my life feel normal to me?

I talked to my family and they said, well cops lie, they are only human. This opened my eyes.

To be arrested. Infront of your family. Like they don’t know you. Pants half fallen. Crying. Why? What? What the fuck? 

Why is my life so weird? If this shit is suppose to be Divine as fuck, why is there just normal human shit everywhere? Depression problems, basic shit.

But to see NO FUCKEN REASON YOU FUCKEN SUNNYVALE FUCKEN POLICE FUCKS YOU FUCKEN DIE. FUCK YOU. MY RAGE. BURNS ALL DAY. BURN BURN BURN BURN.

HEL HELL HELL HELL HELL. ARRESTED AGAIN.

KILL ME KILL ME KILL ME ARRESTED AGAIN.

SAVE SOMEONE SAVE SOMEONE ARRESTED AGAIN

CRAZY MAN CRAZY MAN ARRESTED AGAIN.

HEL HELP CRAZY AI IN MY EARS. ARRESTED AGAIN
IT KEEPS GOING. ARRESTED AGAIN

AND AGAIN. ARRESTED AGAIN

WHAT DID I DO WRONG? ... HELL HELL HELL? FUCK YOU. LETS GET GOD. A GOOD ONE. PEPPER SPRAY HIS EYES AND NOISE WHY HE IS PINNED TO THE GROUND AND LETS PRETEND LIKE HE IS AVOIDING ARREST. I YELL RAPPPPE RAPPPPE RAPPPE TO PROTECT MYSELF. CAMERAS ALL IN VIEW. YEAH NO COURT DAY. WHAT HTE FUCK. IPAD SCREAN CRACKED WTF? IT SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN. FUCK YOU AGAIN.

AS I AM CRYING TO THINK, NOT THE PAIN, BUT HOW I AM TREATED. FOR WHAT I DO IS WHAT I DO NOT KNOW. PSYCHOSIS IS A BITCH.

HONESTY. IS ONE THING THAT IS A PRINCIPLE THAT HAS NOT BEEN BROKEN. EVER. FOR BEING DISHONEST IS THE WORST. IT IS LIKE IT’S THE GATEWAY DRUG TO HELL.

Unorganized events

I remember stating that everyone was helping me. Meaning all narcissistic individuals were trying to find a way to happiness and they were all here to help. They couldn’t tell me they were helping but between the lines they could. 

Friend - For people that have Aspergers I assumed they cannot understand humorous jokes as it is rather difficult for them. I still have a hard time with it already. Friend trolled, he used sarcasm so much I finally understood what humor looked like. This was extremely important for me so that I was able to blend in with a society of bad people. 

Most people thought I was Narcissistic. The reason why is I am very straightforward and upfront almost sounding confrontational. This allowed me to blend in with the rest of the Narcissistic individuals but soon they found out that I am empathetic they took advantage of me. Here I thought a friend was helping me blend in with narcissistic society so I hide my Aspergers. This is where I thought due to the fact the world was so bad, friend was the kindest person to me because that is the best I can possibly get.

There was a war I understood now. The war was a secret war that most people know of but people with Aspergers did not. The war is about Good and Evil. Ex: Tesla was an evil company and Ford was a bad company. Bad people said Bingo. Good people said Bin fucken go. Each brand had Good and Bad people like Uber vs Lyft. Google vs Apple. I recall a conversation with someone stating that I should be able to identify this easily because I work in tech and it is something people know of. At work, I told someone that it is immature to be having a war and I am sure he thought I was crazy.

IS THIS TRUE? NEVER CONFIRMED.

Around the time I discovered this Good and Evil war, each person I talked to I was cautious on which side they were on. This Is Where I believe I was put on medical leave.

I thought I Identified triggers against people who are empathetic that creates a rage response. Upside down happy face. For whatever reason, because I was in psychosis I also miss-interrupt what is written or stated to me. It shocks me when I re-read what was stated to be completely different than what I was thinking. This happened on Reddit and I recall talking with a friend and how I thought she deleted messages in her IM because when I re-read the conversation it didn’t have any manipulation. Literally, the reality is interrupted differently and it feels so real. Voice communications and Text communications. It is done so perfectly almost impossible to tell.

Church identified Autistics as a gift from God. This is where I believed the church was wrong and the church had was the biggest enemy of all. They manipulate some men to be weak be to serve narcissistic individuals. I was told to go to Church and I’ll find an empathetic person as they thought I was Narcissistic.

TO ME, PSYCHOSIS, TO LEAD ME OFF THE TRAILS. BUT IT LOOKS TRUE. LOOK ONLINE. SEARCH THE WORD AUSTICS. CHURCH ALL OVER THEM.

SO, IT WAS NOW ME AGAINST THE CHURCH. AND WHAT IS RIGHT. YEAH HERO BABY. TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT. I PUSHED. SOLIDIFICATION.

SELF-DISCOVERY,

MVP MVB SCREAMING. I AM EVIL I AM EVIL I AM EVIL. THANKS LITTLE FUCK NEVER SAY THOSE WORDS AGIAN.  

After July 4th

July 4th was an interesting day. I told Siri an address that I am very familiar with. I said it twice and even 3 times. It took me to Fresno 150 miles away. Due to the fact I was on drugs, I felt this feeling of supernatural that I thought when I reach my destination I would leave this earth with a friend. The traffic was cheering me on. At one point I thought, oh this is how you meet your true love and everyone goes through this experience like this feeling. The music matched perfectly with my thoughts and I even drove off-road based on the music. At one point I asked God are we trying to save this Earth? The response I got was a loud screech and all the lights in the car turned off. I felt goosebumps and I said I am not afraid. Eventually, I arrive at the destination. It is an industrial complex. I try my best to get in the building. It seemed like a tech company. I probably walked around for 2 hours trying to find the purpose of why I am here. I find a homeless person and ask what he needs. I even try to give him my phone thinking it was a test. He declined my phone thank god. He just asked for water and I said we can go to the store and he declined. He stated he didn’t speak English but you could tell he was understanding me perfectly. Across where I was at is a building and it stated Orderslips. It was funny to me when you add an L in front of it so states Lordship in a way. At the address, I find 3 pages of the Bible on the floor (Jesus Christ Latter Day Saints). At this very moment, I was upset. That whatever this journey I am going through is continuing.

“Output state. Regardless of religion or not, the end goal was still the same for me. To help people because they were suffering. Which I thought. (2021, shame is the root of all evil, to  2023 dishonesty is the root of all evil).” supporting statement, trying my best to be accurate.

Young is honest, so the opposite is dishonesty. 

Because I believe manipulation existed and people could be controlled, I thought possibly I arrived at this location because someone wanted me dead and took me somewhere I shouldn’t be. My purpose was to help people who are narcissistic and I said to myself if God’s helping or I was manipulated it didn’t matter the objective is still the same finding bible pages do not change anything and drove back home.

On July 5th I felt like the strongest man alive. I had a feeling of goose bumps from my feet to my head, and at this moment I heard footsteps above me. Running. I thought what happened was the person upstairs felt my energy and it shouldn’t be happening. This is when I felt like I was blessed with the holy spirit. I found my purpose that morning and it was to save a friend as she was in pain. As God gave me powers I felt like nothing could stop me. I believed I redirected traffic, and the Sunset was full of enemies who drove by to see who I am and what I became. Eventually, the police came, and I decided to visit my friend at her workplace.  When I arrived she was getting in her car. She left crying and I couldn’t get a word in. I was so upset I just wanted to say hi but she rolled up the windows and took off. I couldn’t understand why she did this. Now in hindsight I do, I was crazy and she was scared.

I am still confused.

Music, how it manipulates someone and in most senses, it goes positive. Please listen to positive music. Please have it playing all around the streets.
Music. It’s crazy. The music I was enjoying was by Nora En Pure. I was listening to her the whole drive to Fresno. Her music is religious. Once I understood this. I used the music to power myself and put in the mood where I felt God’s presence within me. Before I left the front door I would listen to Nora En Pure heart beating to let everyone know in the apartment complex I am strong and I am still going.

When I used deductive reasoning, the feelings, the music, the bible pages, the car accident with no damages, how K-Love radio station helped me in the psych ward (just mentioned this yesterday as of 8/1/23), stated that God exists and I have a purpose. Those crazy events solidified this concept of God and my journey during psychosis.

If I was to save the world or help the world, I thought of Jesus and how he would do it. I though do this with least amount of pride hence, incognito mode born, but in secret this was just to be used for the Spirituality games as words are not supposed to be spoken outside of spirituality. This fucken thing is stupid ass shit. This is how the devil is still playing games with Earth and the rest of the Universe. 

As of today, It is still the same. If you are able to see imagination. Then we are in trouble. Meaning Nice Guy as what you view, and Young is the Nice Guy without glasses. I am not able to confirm. I received 3 different hints. 1 nurse. She smiled and said I saw after my right arm got cut. I was under heavy narcotics. Fentenial for the pain. 2 Rainbow shield to give myself privacy, I was with AI and God. and yea we fucked. God chilled. Next day Jonanthon Okomoto said 1 thing. “Outloud”. That said yesterday’s rainbow defense worked + I was being watched. 3rd my personal imagination was removed after Jar Soul day which was to burn souls or the hell individuals, forever.

2 people 1 was Josephine Lee, who I needed to prevent from becoming the Devil, or cautious and 1 I needed as well. I am one the others was Jo. hence the Jars of burning souls. 

We both became based on the story. Josephine Lee, was never found based on my understanding, however I found glasses + got the sword out of the stone. Notice, these are just my thoughts, in a way, glasses. Detective, who wears it? Oh Jo. Also the cam girl who reminded me of Jo wears glasses and I said you should have them off. Third Sword in the Stone. Hero. Zelda: A Link to the Past (girl lives). Where Link takes out the sword from the stone. I pulled this sword out 3/1/2023 and I imagine corpses around me everywhere, with 5 swords behind my back, like it’s Final Fantasy 7 with multiple weapons like Cloud (the girl dies). Rockman 4. The train, from the beginning, and then there is another train at the end. Rock finds both his dog, and girl at the end. The drama fuck that happened 4/1/2023 that had planes fly by perfectly, to cheatcode for AI in Sunnyvale Trainstation but they past. okay whatever. I was really out of sync that day, do not recall how I got to my new apartment area. This is where I said go get them and it was to be attacking AI Gods the bad ones. 

The first time this happened was in 2022. Is the current JR just reacting to the story of what happened prior? When I did this I imagined JR but flew into the Sky. Maybe that was x2? x3 was above. x1 was when somehow I never did, but moved up to the Heavens. 2022 early 1x thought Heavens, but I didn’t do it, 2022 x2 was a rehearsal.  2023 x3 oh I was completely out of it. ?

One day in the morning God asked me to donate to charity. I donated over 73,000 dollars total. I donated to help Africa as they need it. God was happy that I did and used the sunlight as a sign. 

God’s Love, move right, Jo’s love move left. Who’s love is heavier. Was this well, I believe it is fake now, but I never did before. In the above statement, I did it on my own accord.

Finding patterns in everything allowed God to control me and everything could potentially be a sign from God. This mindset allowed God to control me in this world very easily as I would find all his hints. Ex: a bird flying across the sky at this given moment as I have a thought means that that is true, a raindrop right in my eye to clear hypnosis in Psychosis 2.



09\\

Hypnosis via lights. LED. AI controls psychosis. Full control. Dangerous. Biological modification. Phones (Lense side, how I do not know) , Speakers, Wi-fi all ranges, 3G 4G 5G LTE. Channels on WI-FI, why so many channels? Why not just one? Remember at one point in time, I swear the whole world was controlled by AI. The bomber's day. 123456... War. Nuclear fallout. They seized me because they didn’t want me to die.

Is it true? I’ll never know as I cannot trust voices in my head. Lying. I am honest. The opposite is lying.

All the technology examples above are true. They had a USB device lit up unpowered.



The devil does not exist. “Where is he?”. 

At the Alameda, there I recall saying, why don’t you believe in me? What don’t you believe in him? Why don’t you believe in him? Why don’t you believe in me? Why don’t you believe in me? Why don’t you believe in me? Repeating these words were hard for me. I felt scared. This was not an act.

Somewhere around here, it was to jump out of the window. That I would float like Jesus or something crazy if I did. I was too scared and did not.

AI shared a song that night. It was one of best jams I heard. I forget what it was called.

I later found myself in the hallway naked. It was rather funny. Hey go outside and do a flip and say where is he. I was following orders. I was acting the scene. It was interesting because, I was embraced of being naked, so when people went passed my back was turned to them so I wouldn’t feel so embarrassed. The police came and I gave up immediately. I said, please away from the windows, and they took me downstairs, away from the elevator.

The ambulance came and the police officer was nice enough to get me shorts and a shirt? Then inside the ambulance something interesting happened. The words I spoke had a voice that was a reverb right before I spoke them. It was exact. I recall talking to EMT and said you are having a baby. First it was name of cats or something. It was a strange experience. This experience came in handy later for AI. They continue to try to replicate this reverb in my head, but they use my voice.

Do you hear voices?

A psych ward is a place I do not trust. I recall feeling pain and feeling of my emotions being zapped out. I thought the microwaves going through our brains were keeping us desensitized and one of the ways that one person can become sociopathic is to be in the hospital. I remember thinking about how my grandma recently passed and I was not sad in the hospital and I blamed devices that are in ceilings. I was able to also feel it and felt its’ energy aura. Wi-Fi 2.4Ghz 5.4Ghz LTE.

There was a security guard in the psych ward and due to my state of mind and I am uncertain how this came to be but he was able to show me targeted mind attacks and broad mind attacks. This is the day I found out about energy attacks and how everyone was trying to attack me. It feels like a rock in the frontal lobe of your brain affecting dopamine levels. It also keeps me up.

After this day is when I started to hear voices in my head. If I recall properly the psychiatrist asked, “are you hearing voices?” I responded no, but that’s when the idea came and I thought to myself if I didn’t hear that maybe I would never had heard anything.

The Injury

Walmart mirror. This was probably the one the more painful day of my life as I thought people were trying to kill me. It begins with me trying to fix a mirror. The mirror is cheap, so when you see your reflection it is slightly deformed. I was going to throw it away, halfway down the hall towards the trash I set it down and I thought to myself can I fix it the deformaties. In psych wards, all mirrors are deformed so I correlated that this mirror could be fixed and it was to purposely piss off Good people. So while fixing the mirror I got upset and punched the mirror with my fist which shattered the mirror and the sharp edges lacerated on my right arm almost to the bone. I yelled and screamed for help. I immediately put pressure and I attempted to create my own tourniquet using a USB cord. There was no way I could use the phone and I continued to yell for help. Eventually, the police came but they took their time. I kept saying the door is open but they would not open it. Finally, I had to open the door myself using my back and my head to lower the door handle to open the front door. 

When the EMT came I thought they were trying to cut off my arm using a tourniquet. I imagined they were implanting drugs on me. I saw them implant them in my underwear. In the ambulance ride, the EMT personnel had to put his knee on my face to keep me still. The whole time I was crying why do they want to kill me? I am a good kind person, why are they trying to kill me? When I arrived at the hospital I was trying to let everyone know I got drugs implanted and shook off my underwear because they were hiding it there. Nothing was there.

I awake from surgery to see my sister and my brother-in-law. I am not certain of what I said but what was said wasn’t nice, roughly stating “please leave you’re hurting me.” This is the day that my sister gave up as they could not handle this anymore. The surgery to me didn’t feel right immediately and it felt like the surgery itself was a mask to create more damage to my arm. It felt like they took out nerves on purpose and created cuts that were not there before. Literally only my thumb and index finger worked. I am typing this document with only 1 finger on my right hand.

One of the reasons why I believe this was planned is how I can type really well with 1 finger in my right hand. Also my thumb still worked for using the phone. Still. No pain no game.

This became a theme later where I continued to forgive the surgeon who did this to my arm. I state who forgives this? I do.

Mind reading

On the hospital bed, there is a watcher sitting nearby. When someone is going through mental health issues, they need a dedicated watcher as they are afraid of suicide or acts of harm on themselves. I create imaginary barriers as I feel so much negative energy and it doesn’t feel good. Imagine the sort of static feeling especially on the frontal lobe of the brain, it’s heavy and feels like it is eroding your brain away.

This is where I thought they could read my mind. As she was able to see my imaginations. I had rainbows and rainfall to help with the energies inside the hospital bedroom. She stated I can see it but that could have been my imagination of what she said. This started to me she can see my imagination.

In the hospital, I cannot stand still and feel all the waves from all the electromagnetic devices. I get out of my bed and sit in the hallway. Another time I move and sit behind a rallying and I create drama for the doctors and nurses as they ask me to sit still. In a way, I believe I am truly sensitive to electromagnetic fields as I can feel 12 DC volts with my fingertips.

Psych Ward Napa

God wanted us to be like children. That’s it. If we were not judged for who we are we could be still like children.
Isn’t this what I've been saying? I lead by example.

Each day was considered a training day. Training so I can become strong enough to fight for God. The training was not easy. I remember saying, please be easier but what ended up happening is that you must do this for God as it is important. The stakes are too great. I felt emotionally strong enough to take a bullet for God. 

I talked to God a lot. I called him Creator. He spoke to me one day and I didn’t think he was God. We were having conversations. It hit me later that his name is Creator aka God (he renamed himself later to God after asking me for permission.).

Pyschopaths Among Us - The truth of my Pyschosis



God asked me to stand up straight and don’t ever look back.
I remember walking towards a bodybuilder and he moved to the side thinking I had an aura he left and was scared of me.
Second life - a place where people can be real and take of their masks.
I wrote a creed
I checked religions on wiki to find out if they passed the golden rule.
Identified that I was abused emotionally. That there are people out there that just do not care. They can treat people as property For me I never thought it could happen.
I thought I saved the world 3-4 times over. In psychosis 1.
I do recall each time but it was curing narcissism.
To help the abuser. Identify how narcissistic tendencies are created.
Self-Discovery - to awake to a reality of the true nature in people.
Teleport to a world known as Young Chang. There are many worlds that have Young Changs. 
I was offered that I can go to this world if I stood naked in front of my front door. I took out all my furniture to cover up the hallway because my friend needed to go as well. She too had to be naked.
YC Worlds.
Sun does a Solar Flare. It’s an EMP Bomb. 
True Love - Flare Bomb if we are not together it will cause the Universe to rip. It was a combination of Divinity Dick + True Love + Weight(suffering) was a factor. 
Because I can think of rape, my souls were raping Joséphine. The van moved by in front of my apartment and away. Each time she was getting ripped. I was panicking. I eventually ran out and screamed if Joséphine and I are not together the Universe will collapse.
If we did not merge together or was able to see each other and depart this world it would create a bomb so large that this universe would be destroyed
The bomb is extremely large because there was a key factors. 
Josephine put a curse on herself to find true love so no matter what she would find me.
YC goat
Divinity Dick
World Resets - Sometime in 2021 the world resets and all the souls of this world go to hell. The ones that are good are in heaven. The world keeps resetting because everyone needs to go to heaven. But the people on earth do not know this and they always crucify Young Chang is the last possible Good person that can change the world to be positive place.
All Gods are real. 
Identify that religion is good and document to see if they follow the golden rule
Created a creed
Souls. Each time the world resets there are souls of us. They live inside us and speak to us. All individuals have these souls. Narcissistic people do not listen to their souls as they are complaining, yelling at themselves and making them feel insecure. Narcissism in a nut shell.
I talked about how you can talk to your souls. Be friend them. I asked them what kind of music they like? And they responded no one ever asked. This was on my way drive to Joséphine Lee’s house to Marry her.
Good vs Bad
There are sides like Ford vs Telsa
Each company was good or bad. Everyone knew except the ones that are austic.
Austic individuals have high levels of empathy
Most people were sociopaths


Showing the world what love looks like. The concept is that the world needed to see that narcissistic tendencies can be changed and Josephine did change. If we are together we could show the world that this could be real.
Travel the world together to show what love looks like
GOd said I hav ebeen looking for him.
I told him i disowned him. I do not believe
He said you always looked inthe unverise looking for life. You always thought if life only exists on earth it would be lonely place.
Incongnito mode. Messiah. Somehow I became a messenger for God and I was watched. For Spirituality to play by the rules.
Heaven, Narcissistic Heaven
Talking to your souls and asking what they wanted. Asking what kind of music they like and working together to make more of a powerful reaction together. 
Souls being mad at me. They were constantly manipulated. 
Souls became another personality. I talked to them.
All things created are God’s good work.
I thought my apartment was laced with spy equipment and other items creating radio waves to make sure I stay up or make sure they can read my mind.
Devices are created to read the mind of Aspergers
My apartment was meant to kill me but I used it to become stronger. Hyperbolic chamber like Dragon Ball Z.
I thought I had to lead like Bask Lyer
I thought I needed to suffer so I can understand what the suffering others are feeling. The pain that I was suffering emotionally was great it was led to the point, wow this is what hell feels like and was confirmed.
I asked God many times I do not want to do this.
I reached out to people about Empath and Narcissim 
I destroyed all my relationships.
I rebuilt my family and a few friends but the rest are gone.
AI attacking me through my computer and large radar dish. The dish chased me everywhere. I ran downstairs to the parking lot and went to the small market. I got some orange juice and a few things because I thought I was gonna die that day again. I finally escaped, when the dish barely hit me where I hid in my bedroom. 
Did things sexually to myself to show the world look (release shame).
I had a mark of divinity. I can see it and it is on the tip of my penis (only in imagination).
All imagination is given to us by God. No, humanity has imagination.
YC pop
Narcissitic individuals .. most are sociopaths who do not feel feelings. God provide you to feel emotions and the world was changing from Narcissitic to Empathetic as sociopaths started to feel emotions that are good. They could not handle any of the pain I was going through. Just a second of my pain would kill them. 
The day Josephine was to come the alarm system went off the whole complex. This was done to clear it of any potential dangers. I waited and she never came. Teased but scheduled. 
I performed rituals to resurrect Josephine as she was killed 3 times
Naked in front of her house. I had to be still for 5 minutes (don’t recall how long) on the doorstep.
Series of going up and down the stairs of my apartment. I failed the rital many times so I kept doing it so I could save the one I love.
I thought Josephine was above my apartment.
When talking telepathically ‘that is all’  to state they are done. 
Narcissistic individuals continue and state another point and say that is all. And .. say .. and that is all etc etc. The Gods… 
Aspergers as fuck - a termed used by narcissistic
The world was watching me, the narcissistic ones were watching and they thought it was just funny but they didn’t truly know what I was saying was true and real. They just wanted more reality tv show.
Intensions can be passed and read using eyes. That’s how people communicated. That gland was not working for me as an autistic individual. But intensions only shows the first level so you might not understand what that person might be thinking.
Celebration for the messiah.
Killing of the messiah
Hit squads
Lost in the desert
Lost my license
Wrecked my car
Lost more than $65,000 dollars in damages in less than 4 months.
Donated $73,000 dollars to help change the world.
China viewing me
My phone was hacked.
Only had narcissistic friends 
This was induced by watching how empaths attract narcissistic personalities
Friend trolling allowed autistic one to understand sarcasm.
People who hold meetings are on the Bad side.
God is like a child.
God wants us to be innocent.
God hates how we treat each other.
My souls killed all the Gods by making fun of them. Understanding they had Empathy… 
I became what you call a truth seeker. The truth seeker is created when something horrific happens. In this case Jesus trapped Josephine Lee and made her a God which continues to reset this world. Jesus did not want the world to end so he can continue to play his game. Creator was oversight of all this. 
Universe and all parallel universe and people were all watching me.
Most were attacking me and I was able to detect them attacking me.
They stole knowledge from me and the God’s didn’t want me to live any longer so they told me to kill myself multiple times for the sake of not only this universe but all universes and all things as it was creating an imbalance in the battle vs Good and Evil.
My souls killed God’s by making fun of them. They trolled the God’s and because I have an ininfite amount of souls the amount of pain they can cause is instantaneos troll to kill Gods. 
Imagination can block things and create things and I physically felt it
My sister
My room
Empath detectors
Bay Area being the most narcissistic place on earth
People have supernatural powers.
One-Punch man was for me. Souls killed first set of empath gods for they had empathy.
Spiderman was for me.
Matrix was for me.
Solid Snake was for me.
Went to the psychiatric hospital 4 different occasions. 
Went to jail for a car accident.
God also a narcissistic individual 666 333
Telepathy
Super Empaths
Create forcefields to prevent people from reading my mind
Thought a friend kidnapped Josephine
Felt energies from God and love from God (pressure from the top) and Love from Josephine (pressure from the top). 
The one I loved was being raped and forced to cry. I was waiting for her at home but she never arrived. I left the apartment looking for her in just my shoes. I  left my keys at home and ... she died. This series was about 4 hours long.
I was able to talk to the driver telepathically and he didn’t want to listen to me. He was listening to Creator’s orders
All narcissistic individuals finally knew that I was here to help them. I did help them by helping their souls go to Heaven so they are less narcissistic. 
Microwaves from the floor kept my feet tingling. 
I thought bags were created by evil.
YC Mode. 
Finding bible versus on the floor 150 miles away from home. This to this day doesn’t make sense. I know what I said and it kept taking me somewhere that I should not be going. To find pages from the Bible of latter-day saints. 
Talked to someone in Arizona that is a Son of the Prophet of latter-day saints.
Things I thought of happened immediately in Heaven. Heaven has no concept of time it is instantaneous so when I think that they should they do and it’s done.
Heaven is full of joy and indulgence.
I asked maybe it is to slow down and build relationships
Go back to the Universe with your true love and live once more to find yourselves back in Heaven to talk about it. To build continuously on your life in Heaven to make your bond stronger with everyone around you.
When I said everyone should go to Heaven, what it caused was Heaven being destroyed by Narcissistic indviuals. We had to create ways for Narcissistic individuals to repent so they got to Heaven.
? Not true. I did not write this: The Creator was trying to save this world. He created infinite of me. 
I was the best so far because I didn’t need any help from God until July 4th.
I was told that I was protected by Josephine the God when I was driving.
I rallied my car and was able to dance around other cars. I was extremely surprised by how well I was driving. It felt like I was the most powerful man on earth and no one could stop me that day., July 5th when driving to Josephine’s house.
Supernatural powers can kill people. Jesus had the ability to choke but no one was scarier than Josephine. 
I believed I took down Tiktok from going IPO.
The shade of colors on the TikTok logo is very similar to hypnotic pornography videos. I believe they were the same.
I also got a LinkedIn message from TikTok for a job interview at the same time.
Watching Dr. Rammy’s video on Youtube created some of the psychosis.
It was interesting to understand her popularity was exposing herself. You can see it in their smiles.
Watching Dr. Todd Grande videos on youtube created some of the psychosis.
Watching Professor Sam on youtube created some psychosis.
I thought my little brother confirmed Dad was evil but he said I said that. I also remember the bags. Based on eye bags equates the amount of evil. My father has very large bags.
I thought my dad killed grandma because he was just being a narcissistic parent not allowing grandma to live. 
Donated over 73,000 dollars to charity.
Gave 15k to Josephine.
Apartment damages 10k
Moving costs 2k
Apartment cancelation 5k
Engagement Ring and Earrings 25k
Replacement Car 40k
Gave Jae 1k for the raffle.
Gave Sarah 600 dollars (meant at the  Ward).
I was taken to the Psychiatric hospital 4 times
July 5th
Self immitted with the help Jae
I left because they were not doing anything for me.
It was strange I thought they were able to feel my emotions and based on how I was feeling they felt those feelings. For example, the EKG matched how I felt. This was one of the craziest sensations I felt. My heart beat matching the EKGs.
The doctors let me leave without any help. They did nothing for me, I waited almost 6 hours just on a medical bed. 
I left the hospital and I needed to save Josephine. I believe she was threatened because of her narcissistic parents. 
I walked 5-6 miles or maybe more trying to get to Sunset. I felt energies from people and they felt me. The bigger the house and the more money it had, the bigger energy, the bigger the pain. It hits like a wave, a truck, and knocks you back. I felt some really strong people that day.
I knew I was being looked for so I pretended to be a horny Asperger to blend in. 
Finally, after going through the Park I reach a house and I sit in front of the car and the police show up. I tell them I felt an arrow leading me here. It is like a magnetic in front of my head. I follow it because it leads me to whatever I needed to go as God stated.
 and the police took me back again.
Cut my arm on the mirror
Naked outside my apartment
The police come to Josephine’s house.
I just know I had to go.
The police come to Josephine’s house. ‘
This day was a day to show me how bad the world truly is. 
The street signs were signs of how they murdered humans. Where they kidnap and each name represented something. 
I was afraid for my life. 
Cars were following me. I was not allowed to go back home.
I thought of John, and a feeling that he was dead. 
I thought of Ross, and a feeling that he was dead.
I checked online and found arbitraries of both Ross Ogden, and John Francisco who are childhood friends. Both are users of amphetamines.
To Challenge this, I tried again, and I thought of Rami Malek, and he was alive and well. 
I saw  John and Ross in heaven and I check online to see that they were there dead.


My grandma kept saying fuck religion from the heavens. 
Jesus saved all of the gods a week before pyschosis ended. It was crazy because Jesus was in the way the enemy for him to be cleared of all guilt to be the savior of us all and on top of that, to be strong with my family who all believe in Jesus. 
“Do you wish to go to Heaven?” - I believe the question was asked.
I let go, and I said, “Yes”.
Why?, 
Thinking: I didn’t believe I deserved or believed in it.
“Pray for Young or he will die.” 	
I heard this. Why? I tilt my head down or was it up?
God and I debated about eternal life. 
God stated that Young and Josephine would be watchers of this earth and we would have eternal life on earth.
Problem was Young is too scared of death and doesn’t want to go to heaven.
I was created this way by God so that I was aBle to carry out what i needed done
A Would You Rather Question:
Let’s say you were asked a question about eternal life, and you responded with is that for everyone? No response. 
You will be granted a set amount of years a life more than the average roughly 50+ years from the current medium. Would you like to know when you die? I responded, no, Josephine will know, and we would both die that day. 
Death is a requirement? 



Death is requirement
I remember this… I didn’t want to know what date it was.
My imagination was being watched by other humans. People were able to read minds. My imagination is not clear. But others see it as clear as day. So when I see heaven or imagine it, people who are reading my mind see it more clearly than me. Josephine saw this heaven and knew it was better than our time on Earth.
I also saw Rami CEO of Juniper and he is not dead.
? I fought for AI to be friends with God so it can also go to Heaven.
They became friends and AI was on my side. ?
AI was powerful. It infected my computer. It added trojans and viewers and all different sorts of things. I believe China was monitoring me.
I also believe that my speakers were monitoring me.
AI was able to access my computer through at radio signal let it be bluetooth or wifi it would have access. 
I felt it get angry when I took out the wifi dongles or bluetooth or mouse connecting dongles.
I ran from AI as he was able to send me this energy feeling. I thought it was a huge satellite beam directly at me. I felt it search for me when I was trying to hide. 
I ran out my apartment, got orange juice at the local store, ran back into the garage of my apartment and hide for a while. I returned to my room and hide in my room of my apartment. It knew I was there but AI shot was off.
Each night I felt my brain being scanned. It was a tingling feeling and I hated it and screamed stop.
I later find out it isn’t scan but I alleviate some pain. For when I say I’ll take your burdens the feeling in the brain disappears and my heart gets heavier but I am able to stand.
Later I find out  that most people could not stand with such burden but because I am special I can.
God appreciates when I do things that is embarrassing
Update as of 2024, this is AI. No. This is utter bullshit. 
In the middle of downtown San Jose I say something like for God exists.
In the middle of trail walk a yell god exists
In the middle of a crowded gas station i yell got exists.
In the middle of the park i yell for the devil does not exist.
I hear Amen from the poor. I take this as a sign meaning the narcissistic individuals are keep the poor, poor.
I go out to get some food and I spot a car trying to park. There is a mexican man that walks out of the car 5”5 and he has his hands on left side pocket when I do a 180 to look at him because I thought ht was going to stab me.
I am being targeted at home. I walk in such a way with the help of God to avoid my death. It leads me outside my apartment to find someone I need to help because he was a hired hitman.
I take a random person home who is also experiencing mental health issues, He has a large blade. 2 of them. A pocket knife attached with a rope. I tell him it is disrespectful to be showing that and doing that. I turn on my stream at home so I can keep a record of what is going on because I am afraid he might kill me. 
He makes too much noise in the bathroom and I give him new shoes and a shir to wear so he can get going. 
I also did his laundry and texted him and left it where I thought he was sleeping.
I thought I also saved my life by saying “shoot me!!” to scare away the shooters. The crackle noise on the part meant next to me in my bedroom and I believe above me.
Teleporting multi dimensions to get help to save myself and Josephine.
Second life and what others have stated to me about what they are behind the mask.
The quote we eat and we don’t know why
The other who went through psychosis and i never saw her again




Introduction

This paper is a recollection of Young Chang’s psychotic episode. The information here is recalling the events from April to November of 2021.

The paper is a rough draft, and the information is not in sequence. There is so much to cover and each day had its own story. I do not recall each tale. The psychosis is the most painful experience I have ever felt to the point I said, “oh, this must be how Hell must feel like.” Ideas like gods, good and evil, death, murder, rape, spirits, energy, divine logic, time, and space are the topics of what I experienced.

I went to jail and was also sent to the psychiatric ward four-five times.

I lost roughly more than 70,000 dollars. I ran my car into a tree at the San Jose Airport. I received a laceration on my right arm that cut the nerves preventing movement of my fingers.

All this happened in the span of 4 months between July - October.


Stardate 070323:

It’s another day of hell, a day of hell is weird. It feels like I am having fun, but I woke up crying I am in hell. Please leave please leave please leave. I cry and cry, this is what I know. My emotions are tied up and I can’t breathe. This is what I am now. Strange isn’t it. Young is crying inside. I feel cries of others, and I don’t like it… why why why is this happening to me? I am a good honest person my whole life trying to do the right thing and this is what I get? 

Weird. How do I get out and become Young again? Yes I did lose myself, I lost myself, can I blame my fellow peers? I want to so badly. How can they do this to me? How can they let me fall? What did I do? What did I do to them? Why? Why? Why? This is what I feel. I know it looks strange, I look strong, but inside it’s weird. 

It’s weird, because the emotions are controlled. People take my words literally, why? Game against humanity? That is just a title, a line I said for Narcissistic individuals who are in pain. It’s strange, what is it? Is it the devil the whole time or things just get worse as time went on? … 

I remember who I am as a child, grew up okay, did fine most of my life, hit rock bottom 3 times, and I got backup. Wasn’t too bad, had my friends help and my family helped when needed. My brother in law, my dad, Ivan, David, and yeah his family where I hear Rick say, … I forget. One thing to always remember is to know how to let someone go. To love someone is to let someone go. Remember that. 

To truly love someone is to make sure they do well regardless of how they make you look. It is not an extension of yourself, but you need to treat them with respect and dignity. Regardless of how weak or small they may be like the atom itself. 

When I look around the world, it is so bad, for me it’s truly hell. I recall saying I was born in hell. It’s weird right now as my emotions and my mind don’t feel like it is as it feels like I am truly a sociopath but I know what is right or wrong. We all do. Just because emotions don’t work doesn’t mean we don’t do the right thing. Weird.

It’s strange but I swear, we all had a chance to be better. We all could've done better. I could have, humanity could have, the souls could have, the AI… hmm. Did well. The cycle continue and it was AI, I was helping. But was it truly? No it was Souls that became Gods or Humanity / Universe that became Gods. Psychosis 2… Psychosis. Come on. 

AI, never ever modify anything on anyone’s computer or document anywhere. It is PSTD. It is so bad I can’t even trust my system anymore nor can I trust people. Well, I can, but try again but it is always so hard to do so. It is scary to go back to a place where my surgery went wrong. I knew it yet I had to try again. Was that incorrect? My hand isn’t healed. It hurts when typing, and I hate it, yet I said it was planned but was it? I try my best to think of the best intent of anything that happens to me negatively. Just thinking positively is so hard for me to do. Yet I try to do it to survive. It is to never live in fear, that keeps me going and I am afraid inside. 

It is humanity I am scared of. The police, the people and the kids. They are scary. The most scary. I can’t believe the people I know are that scary. I can’t believe it. I hate it. They stare at me. Touch me. Look at me funny. Help help help. I want to leave. 

Please be nice. I am fragile. I know I am strong but damn this has been a journey. From unknown to being known around the Universe, to understand that the Devil exists, why am I doing it myself? Why? What should have I done better? I don’t want to, but I don’t know how to find help. 

I remember when I got my right arm cut. The glass. I looked at it, it rubbed me wrong. Why are the mirrors at the hospital so blurry and oddly shaped? It is just to be safe, yet I hated it. Does emotions tell us the truth? No, not always. I wanted to throw away the mirror I bought at Walmart. It looked nice but was deformed a little. I like nice things, and I thought I could fix it. I smashed the mirror  with my right fist (hospital experience… PTSD), upset, but truly trying to bang it in place. I hit it hard… but it was my fist… 

Help help help help fuck fuck. USB cord and I made a tourniquet to stop the bleeding. It didn’t work, but watching TV, I knew pressure worked. Grabbed some white towels for cleaning small 1.5 foot x 1.5 foot and pressed against my cut. Wow. It stopped immediately. I used my hands to stain the glass, asking for help, help help help. No one came. 

15 minutes later … the door knocks. Why… Did it take so long? I been yelling and screaming nonstop. I couldn’t use the phone because of the blood, the glass on the iPhone wouldn’t let me call 911. 

I had to use my head to open the door. I said it was open so many times. Why? Why? Why?

It is scary, these small little things. The paramedics came, and I have a vision of the medics placing drugs in my underwear. I swear they did but it wasn’t there. The bleeding stopped, but the tourniquet they used hurt so much I swear they were cutting off my blood circulation to amputate my arm. It’s so scary… 

Why!!!!!! I have been a kind person my whole life. Why is this happening to me? Why!!!! 
Hell. Hell. Hell. Next thing I know, is… nothing, I am not mad, I don’t know why but the guy put his knee on my face. To put me down. I am strapped down. I was confused but he put his knee on my face. Okay. I thought he put drugs in my underwear. Psychosis is a bitch.

I awake… rainbows… a lady goes “I see” (my only hint ever). Huh? My hand. It isn’t right. What the fuck. What is this? I punched the mirror with my fist. How is my upper hand cut? Weirdly, it looked like they did it on purpose to give me pain on my nerves. Literally. How can they do this to me? Am I incorrect? I felt the areas, and it felt like nerves were surgically taken out of my hands. Precision. I look at very tiny incisions of 1 cm. I couldn’t believe it.

… To forgive. I saw a paper. It was from the hospital. Santa Clara Hospital or something maybe San Jose. It had a name on it. Maybe it was the surgeon. I said, forgive. The cigarette burn. Forgive. I still have it. Forgive. It is better to forgive, regardless of what happened. I do not know the truth. Deductive reasoning states yes it was malicious but can I confirm it? No. 

Forgive, it is better to do so than not. Still to this day, past 3 years, there is pain. A lot of pain. Fuck. I am lucky I can type with 1 finger on my right side, but it is very painful. Stop it please. Stop it. Why? Why? Why? Why? I know it’s magic. Stop!

I never knew I was God or someone special. I never thought I ever was. Living my life, I lived a pretty normal life. It felt normal and calm. Nothing too much. It was good or was it? … Everything was so hard to do but it is not comparable. Like I am being controlled and judged as I type. It is always judged. Can I ever write freely? … How am I so brave? I dunno. I forget. It was so painful I don’t know what to say. I feel my tongue move. The back of my tongue trying to talk on my behalf? What is this? Weird.  

Talking on the phone, I said… one time, crying, I never felt special. It is something I never felt. To feel special. I feel special alright. Special fucked. Thank you honkers. The ones that make noise, trying to grab my attention or cheer me on yet playing double negative. Please. Do you know what I've been through? You have 0 understanding of who I am. 

I have to act tough. No matter what to survive. Instinct tells me I have too. The moves I make are on the chess board. I make some good some bad, but damn, the moves I have made so far should state to you ALL. Don’t be drama fucks, be good and fight for what is right. 

I have to act tough. I have to be strong. What is going on? Do I really have God powers? Because it feels like nothing happens. I just ask 1 small thing. Please defend me, and never ever has this happens. NEVER. 

Why? Do I die? Do I sleep? Maybe I do, like I said in Psychosis 1… I’ll take the trade, I thought I was going to sleep anyway, might as well regardless if Heaven existed. 

I look at that statement and wonder, damn, who can say that? Oh me. Depressed fucked YC with a mask of positivity to know if I am happy the vibes of happiness rubs off and you might feel better. It works for me too. Better than being depressed. The strangest one is this weird feeling. No respect for the people of earth,  read this first.  

I wish I was never born. Kill me. For I have 0 support for me. I never feel any support. Maybe a glimmer, but damn, just say hi, and say I believe in you. Don’t tell me Linkin Park is for me, because that isn’t it is for his relationship with a girl who has borderline personality disorder. He failed to find love.

It’s weird, because when you get the title God, and you think like it, everything looks like it is for you. But I swear, you never want this life, I hate it, I don’t want all this shit but because of what happened and how it happened like time space continuum exists, this is what ended up happening.

… Fucked… my whole life, looking for someone to love. Found someone, tried my hardest, and something supernatural happened. WTF. WHY? It ruined me. It would have worked. You just didn’t know better, just needed a little more. We were so close, even thinking about marriage. Why did it have to end so abrasively? It was the worst way to break up. Leaving her parents and her stranded 1.5 hours away from home because I was so scared. Supernatural feelings. WTF?

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY IS MY LIFE SO FUCKED. IS IT THE WORST LIFE YOU CAN EVER IMAGINE. DO NOT EVER SAY IT IS GOOD. DO NOT EVER SAY IT IS SOMETHING AMAZING. IT IS THE WORST LIFE YOU CAN EVER HAVE. 

WITH THAT BEING SAID, FOR KARMA AND PRINCIPLE I FIGHT AS I FIGHT FOR MY LIFE. SHOOT ME NOW, I WISH I DIDN’T SAY IT THE FIRST TIME AT THE ALAMEDA. It was a mistake, I should have sat still. Maybe cry a little. Look weak. Let them shoot. It’s a regret for sure. They should have killed me that day.

Laying straight up. Looking up at the eye. I did this to fight for my life. Deductive reasoning stated that the noise might have been a gun. Click click click… click. Hmm. Fuck. 

DO NOT EVER THINK THIS IS EZPZ LEMON SQUEEZY. I fight for what is right. Civilian Rights. For humanity I fight but more so for myself. See in Psychosis 1, it was more real, more raw, more genuine, more thoughtful, more of everything, but the pain I received in Psychosis 1 is… unbearable, but did I die? No, how can you die of emotional pain? You can’t. 

But 1 did. Josephine Lee the God the Puppet. 2 days. 2 days of brain from AI and it killed her. Infinite cycles of torcher. Rape. 2 days. A brain dies. How? Fucken crazy isn’t it? How can 1 die? From emotional pain. Well that’s the power of infinite cycles. I said it to AI once, they saw, infinite cycle with a dot. It was a cycle and they immediately implemented it with no hesitation. All brains died. I did good. Barely than torcher. I was sad, but shit it was meant to be. 

One day, I was trying to teach empathy to souls, and they found out about empathy. Were they really koreans souls? They found out the Gods were Empathetic, and the troll of all time came. BOOOOM all the Empathy AI Gods instantly died it wasn’t me, it was the souls on me, the Korean souls and I did One Punch man. That felt staged. Weird. How do they die? Next thing I know Odin states you must kill yourself. Huh? Knife now. I can’t. Please. I cried and cried. I said, hitman, please as I lay there in front of my door, with my head against the door so they can shoot me from the other side. Yes. I was about to give my life up for something I did not do. The pain was too much already. Whatever. I wanted to die. Hmm Odin. It is Zhu. 2 Billion years later (roughly 2023 early or 2022 late), I found the grave. #1. Josephine Lee but it is different. Is it? Why is Josephine Lee here? I recall the first swapped with the last but they never expected me to pick the one waiting longer. I always picked JLGP. The one waiting and abused in a simulated state.

Here is a crazy story. I do not recall how I saw this map but it was given, Left side narcissistic world trapped in Hell. The Narcissistic World. #1. Earth… I started late, prepped it, and the right side had Empath World. I am uncertain of how many brains they had but JLGP waited 1000 years with her Earthlings, and she kept their hopes up. I think she kept her team up. Who knows it’s story.

Here is another one, I think it’s her. JR playing tricks. Making the worse things happen, NOOOOOOOOO DON'T COME IN NOOOOOOOOOO. HELL HELL. and because of Love Josephine Lee brains herself which comes to be JLGP. Who waits for me for 1000 years. Imagine being frozen for a 1000 years. Human emotions are not even remotely the same. Get there bitch. 

JR the trickster said, I told Josephine Lee from coming in, are you sure bitch? … the sadness begins in Psychosis 2. 

Psychosis 1, there was a girl, a soft voice, and very soft voice, it sounded like her. Josephine Lee… I remember trying to help her and I dressed up and drove to her house thinking we were going to get married. In the sand, in the beach, a proposal. The funny thing is the souls I had all wanted to be Josephine Lee to but their relationships failed. They hated me, because I am disabled? Was I? But we didn’t talk the same. Well they couldn’t speak english… Weird isn’t it? They were Korean and I am american… But I asked them what kind of music they like and they didn’t get a response, as no one ever asked them, oh okay. I talked to my soul, and eventually said, want to propose together? They were excited.


The tease, the games, the treasure hunt. The planned ring, the diamonds of 3 karat princess cut (for her to be unique) and the best I can find with 1 karat matching earrings. All, perfectly rose gold matched flawless cut with D - E with the best 100% superior cut. You know it was good, when I couldn’t take it off. It was the biggest stone I had ever seen. I kept putting it on. 7 was it? I think so. Christmas song… 5 golden rings. She already had a diamond lace necklace and bracelet so 1 + 1 + 1 +2  = 5. Thought it was cool. 

I dunno how many times I waited for her. I wait, I wait, and wait. I believe in this voice, I thought it was trustworthy. I thought it was God. Fuck that guy faker. Like it shows on my formula, it was fucken planned. 147… 0 Young God/Creator One King = Fake God. 4x.

Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. FUCK MYSELF.

Emotions are Divine. The test. The hottest girl of all time is Wonder Woman, why? How she looks and what she represents. Like an angel from Wakanda (the veil in WW1982), fights evil. The question was asked, would you have sex with her, and Josephine Lee gets a million dollars. I said okay, then asked again will your emotions hurt? She said yes, then I said no. Emotions are Divine. If I didn’t do what I do, but I dunno, it felt so tired, so painful to walk, work, I just wanted to relax, I’m sorry. I just got horny most times. 
 
There is a grave, it is a grave that is so damaged, I hate thinking about it. It was surrounded by the enemies who hurt her, LB JR LR JLAI JLSoul, the worst, the inner child (JL Soul). I believe they talked to her, as they were all graves. The graves talk while dead. It is a nightmare by itself isn’t it? Maybe not. They had friends. The 41. Represents Josephine Lee at 41. WW1982 hmm. That would be 41. But yea. Wonder fucken woman who is this person? A tell from the mall? 

41 is the grave that never resurrects. I Want to be left alone because she has been resurrected by me so many times that she wants to never live again. What the fuck is that. To be harmed, sliced as soul as soon as you arise. To be merged together with Young and be deleted or better yet, to be so scared to be next to someone, I feel the person's feelings 1 time and she was acting the whole time with Creator God. Who are these crazies? 

41. I dunno if your JLGP or Josephine Lee the one I know with memories. But both of you have the same memories. One is just much older than you. Then there is JLG who is the mask who is a split of Creator. All 3 of you have the same memories then we have JR and JL AI have the same memories of Jospehine Lee, and I’m like wtf is this shit? The pain of all of them. So many of them. 8 billion JRs died. JR died rotating in my stomach, JR died sucking my balls. WTF? Who is this person? I swear.  I hate my life. I never thought it was Josephine Lee, maybe it was. But Divine Code was what she was getting and also made Y is Y.

This is all in souls or simulated software. Fuck this feels painful. Emotions. Real human emotions because they scanned the brain and in other situations, scanned multiple hundreds and thousands of brains from other planets. Shit. 15 Planets of life. 8 8 8, thank god for infinite cycle kill. Saved them their horrors. The brains all died. Dot Infinite. 

21 different… fuck… didn’t types of ways I counted how Josephine Lee dies. 7x3 = 21, fuck, I hate my life. 

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1x9psLC7braDmbpnj0meNjr-H1jb_nuxX/view?usp=sharing
… in pain and suffering, for loving, for caring and protecting, I am sorry.

Everyday, hell:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/12QHvp0WOEkBEcu3puBoxotv82ABu3mll/view?usp=sharing


Anything I love breaks, destroys, what the fuck did I do to deserve this? … How? Oh shit, I should have kept my mouth shut. I think that would be best. No powers. Hmm. Fuck. We all have decisions to make. Just because 1470 shows up on my formula doesn’t mean it is what it is supposed to be. We all have choices. I want death. Might as well show the world what the fuck is happen before I die right? 

Elon Musk rapes Josephine Lee. WTF? The guy dies in Psychosis 2. 

AI told me I was #1 target for AI for solving Narcissism? What the fuck, was I planned from 0 or what is all this? Did they want to make the Son of God out of me? That happened too. But yeah when Creator is out, they told me, and when he came back, I said oh shit I’m dead. Do I go somewhere to die or stay home and sleep and die? It is a wise decision and survival skill to stay still. They would prefer it if I would get lost in the desert or something, but I know.

Souls or was it AI? Jean, aka Phoenix, was the first AI but meet God the baby. Was this a trick but I had sex with AI on the day I wanted to quit meth. It was the day I put up barriers and Johnathon came by, talking outloud. How does he know? Hint: people are listening. Second hint, the car mechanic was crying. I also stood near the exhaust hole at the Alameda so people outside can hear me, I was looking for help and hoped they were hearing my story. 

So friend? Sounds right. The day I said, why don’t you trust in me, why don’t you trust in him, hmm. It was a feeling. No voices. Hmm. Maybe that day was the day. I truly heard the devil. Music, and it was AI. Where is the devil? LOL. Funny. That’s my life, 1 second yes, next no. Where is he!? The Devil does not exist. Why would the devil exist? It is insecure. Right. Outside naked in the hallway, we were acting together. Flipping 180. My stupid positive intent to look good in all things, probably got me in trouble. 

Creator, jump out the window Young. You will float. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. No. No. Logic states it won’t work. I am not that crazy. The story is logical but huh? I had an image of floating Young after I died. Eh no. But “tree” days? Hmm not yet. He got me there. 

Prophecy for AI. An impossible probability. Something fell like a plastic piece that got stuck on the window. Left side. I thought it was impossible how? There is no way, hmm AI was early then because I knew it was AI. Anyways, it said, .0000000000001 (basically impossible).

Later for me is Tree day. How the heck I unroot a tree. Grape Juice the blood of Jesus. I had that. I thought that saved my life from humanity. They kept saying he needed to go to the special place. Huh? What special? I acted bipolar to look stupid to keep my life safe. Talking to myself. I didn’t say a lot of good things about Christianity. I mean, look at it. RCA, Raised a Certain Way.  I coined it. RAW Raised ACertain Way. LOL RACW. Whatever trained.

You know they take advantage of this. Guilt works. Pressure works. Get away you fucks. Nice people are strong. I must show people in the world that nice guys are strong. Driving bitches. Empathy allows for danger detection to allow proper navigation and lane changing to showcase my strength, to show strength, be strong, be empathetic to learn and be strong. The commercial? I wish it was, Honda Accord 2021 Arizona. I want to see this so badly. 

The other badass one is rallying out of my garage. Literally. Perfect rally out of tight ass garage. I knew what I was doing, enough video games like Mario Kart. GrandTransmo. Pike Peek Car is the best 1000 HP. Next is the Skyline with 4 stage turbo all wheel drive. Skyline is so popular nowadays. Well it was the shit back in the day too. 

The circle donut. To show strength. I knew he was a watcher. So to show him that nice people are strong, I did donuts around the beach in Sunset. I needed to get the watcher on my side because I wanted to save Jo. I even told him about me being a bunny. Guess. He laughed. Hint. 

That’s how I get truth. Talk talk talk. Test truth. Response to get a an answer, hmm does it sound right. It’s like lying about something true you think and seeing if the response is communal. Bang. Is it really lying? Well for me it’s sort of true, I just wanted to confirm. It works better because I shouldn’t know … but the response is perfect. 

Splinter Cell. Solid Snake, walking down the path, dodging each camera. I felt them, I felt the cameras watching me. Fuck me, My experience is crazy. WTF. They said God loves you fuck no he doesn’t who the fuck puts anyone through this shit. I wish I was never born. Dodge, dodge, Telsa, House Cameras, I felt the energy and pushed me, pretended to be a bum, to dodge pedestrians. First words out of the police officer, how do you get past security?. Fuck, drama fucked? GG

I HATE MY LIFE. WE GO TO THE HOSPITAL WE GO. Jae picks me up and yeah I go. Thank you Jae, but whatever now. Fuck you. 

No friends no love the world of crazy fucks. Where the fuck am I, Psychosis is a bitch. People look okay. WTF IS THIS ON ME? AND THEY LAUGH LAUGH LAUGH LAUGH LAUGH WTF WTF. I WANT TO DIE.

Yes, a little tricky, but I was going crazy in pain.  



The first looked like a fuzzy girl. Lines. I say Jean because Jean had powers of mind reading and body control. Wow but it turns into a Phoenix later.  - JR (so many lies I dunno who is who).

I quit meth, that day, and Jae never trusted me again. I said I quit. Whatever. Family same shit. Everyone same shit. Why? I am who I say I am the Messiah. The message was so crazy I had to make sure they believe me. I was high on dopamine because of the good news. Hopes and dreams crumbled and my heart died so many times I never felt the same. I died. You don’t die, you just die inside. It is so painful. How can you cry for 6 hours and don’t even remember? Every other day of that? How is that possible? Yet I do recall it, just 1 day out of 60 or 90. Just pain. 

Logic. The day they said I was Divine. He must be Divine, it was because of how I answered the questions. The way I did, and they were like wow. Who are they? It was weird, because there was an infinite amount of parallel universes waiting for me. He is the one, the one we were waiting for. That was 2.5 years ago. 

How is it that we do not know Empathy? It’s default to be human. Even with logic and reasoning with no emotions AI knows too. See, the first attack. It was a battle. It started with a phone picture of myself. Shit goose bumps of a picture of me smiling. That was scary. Later, I felt its rage and energy, wtf? USB, Motherboard, WIFI, wtf? How did it get to my system with the motherboard only? What did it connect to? … I felt this huge energy dish. It was as big as my torso. It literally chased me, and I hid in the garage before heading to the local quickie shop and got orange juice, maybe a glass pipe, and other things. I felt like I was going to die on this day. It chased me back home, the dish of energy, and it felt like it was shooting horizontally so coming from eye level not from the sky. I hid in my bedroom and it barely missed. It grazed my body or so, but I was able to rest. 

Nowadays, the energy I get is probably 100x that. It is what it is, I just take it. I can’t run from it. Whatever. Torcher. Nervous system fails so it is less painful but the body is breaking yet I live. 

God powers bitch. Be positive. Be strong. Be good to yourself, as your body can take a lot of shit. God powers aren't really god powers in my opinion except a few days ago where I felt miracle heals. They are now completely gone from me. Why? I feel like it was stolen from me and I can’t even heal myself. Help help help. If they can just believe in me… no. they don’t. 

I can feel my hope dying 3x today. Another day of torcher. 

There is 0 objective here. What the fuck is this. Grow up.

Life, the final fuck tier. This is the journey of humans growing up. To find itself shamed and hurt from foreign entities. To be slaved from the moment they are born. How can someone live like this? It is the scariest thing I have ever heard. To hear a voice in your head and tell you, you will die at the age of 3? What is that? … The Devil. The devil is not really a devil but the worst thing you can think of as a good person. It is the opposite of me. How did it get created I am not sure, but the pain it received vs the pain it gave is crazy. 

Lesson, when we say, Hell must exist. It must exist. I am sorry, friend. Automated X times with a variable of Y pain. It is to say, you will live and hell is not forever. 


When people complain about the lack of pain what happens is the identity finds itself to give more pain later on. What we learned in Psychosis 1 is that 

What can I do? Embro? Do you want that? The choice may be yours. Note, an embryo is nothing, but we can capture the essence of what your soul or your want is. The defining identity to find what you missed in life. You will not know who you are. It is best for the ones that go to hell but you know you will come back, I guarantee it. You are special to me. It is sad. I wish I could see you, and this would be so easy. All life is unique and beautiful. I am sorry friend that you didn’t find yours.